Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
