We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
