After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize