My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sext me about skeletons
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
