worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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