the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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