I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
