and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
