Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
