i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
