And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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