i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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