I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
