Porn is love you can see.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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