Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You took a bar mat shot.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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