"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
