VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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