Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
