I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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