he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We need to get me chipped asap
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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