Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
