i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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