I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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