So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
