We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
