They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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