Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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