You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
