shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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