honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
