Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
