This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
