He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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