3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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