I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
