They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have to summon your inner elephant
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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