It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
