how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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