So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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