well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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