she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
