I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
