Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
