Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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