If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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