Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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