Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
