remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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