i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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