The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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