what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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