You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
