We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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