seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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