this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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