We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
