non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
