im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
