that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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