I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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