He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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