i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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