jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
