Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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